Sep
I want to know why men can’t communicate. I want to know and I want someone to explain it to me. I have pieced the following conversation together from scraps of angst riddled memories from every relationship I’ve had since I was 15.
You seem upset. Are you ok?
“Kinda.”
Do you want to talk about it?
“I don’t know.”
What do you mean you don’t know?
“Umm…I dunno.”
So you don’t want to talk about it?
“Maybe.”
Maybe something is wrong, or maybe you don’t want to talk about it?
“I dunno.”
Is there EVEN A BRAIN IN THERE, LIKE - AT ALL?!
You know I’m not making this up. This shit happens for real. What I need to know is how can you be so upset that it’s physically obvious, yet still be COMPLETELY unaware of why, at an absolute loss of ANY WAY to communicate it??? Are they embarrassed that they have feelings to begin with? Is it against a manlaw to discuss feelings if a man might accidentally have one that extends beyond a general lust for BEER and BOOBS!?
Because of this ridiculous malarkey I am completely and totally unprepared for my current situation. My man says such things as:
“Baby you don’t need a reason. If you have one then you know I’m ready to listen, and I’ll wait until you are ready.”
When he can tell that something is wrong with ME because it’s become physically obvious, and I’M the one that has NO IDEA how to communicate it because I haven’t had enough time to figure it out yet. I AM SKEPTICAL THAT THIS IS POSSIBLE. Is this possible? Is it for real? Am I being swindled by a smooth talker here? How does he know what’s going on? Why didn’t the rest of them know what was going on?
It’s like…it’s almost creepy. Like he has reach a higher level of emotional consciousness previously only accessible to women, dogs, and Mel Gibson in that movie where he waxes his legs and reads women’s thoughts. Then on the other hand it’s huge relief because when I’m all ready to talk about my feelings, he’s like “Ok baby, let’s put our pajamas on and talk about this.”
WHAT!?
I just discovered tonight courtesy of LT that in the army this kind of preventative maintenance (I like to think of talking about feelings as a sort of relationship preventative maintenance) is called PMCS or Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services. This is TOTALLY FUCKING BRILLIANT. Now men can preform their monthly PMCS and nobody has to know that they HAVE feelings or god forbid -admit to them. They can just sound like badasses replacing lug nuts on a humvee.
Or perhaps…PMCS sounds too close to PMS for us to really ever get anywhere with it anyway. It sure is nice to dream.