Dating: DON’T DO IT

Seven Telltale Signs That LT Has Just Visited:

1. The jeans in my closet are folded all wrong

2. My jewelry tray is full of change

3. My q-tip jar is empty

4. There is an empty box for something called “Clone-a-Willy” in my trashcan…

5. I have piles of cool new stuff to play with, for example:

- badass ipod speakers
- a wet/dry epilator (aka torture device)
- lincoln logs
- a toasty electric blanket
- fun new makeup
- an air mattress

6. There are beautiful (slightly wilted) flowers on my desk

7. And the most obvious reason - I have resurfaced

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW.

Seriously, being a grown up is starting to suck WAY more than I thought it was going to.  It is some shit.

I have been working SO HARD.

Things I have not been doing as a result:

- tanning (not the cancer kind, the spray kind)
- blowdrying my hair
- wearing makeup
- getting pedicures
- writing in my blog
- being funny
- doing my laundry
- shopping

Things I have been doing instead:

-LOOKING LIKE ASS

Because I simply don’t have the time to recap everything, I’m going to throw a fun fact or two out there.  And because you’re probably dying to know things like if I’m engaged yet, if I’m dying of cancer, if I’ve gained 30 pounds. etc etc, just ask.  I need some direction here.  The only direction I’m currently pointed in is toward the nail salon.  Also, I need to find my hairbrush.

My coworker just snuck up behind me, scared the bajeezus out of me, handed me a list of names and phone numbers to call and said “I haven’t answered my voice mail in about a week so…some of these people are quite cross…”  Oh god.

Fun fact:

- LT TOLD ME HE LOVES MEEEE<3

:)

You know how I’m kind of evil and sarcastic sometimes, but in sort of a deliciously funny way rather than a whiney “Oh god my life sucks” kind of way?  Yeah.  Not always.  I think it’s a blessing to be able to find good in things and turn disasters and misfortune into jokes, but there are just some things you can’t make fun of.

Up to a certain point of stress, life is normal.  Just beyond that normal threshold of stress I like to say that “the bitch kicks in” and I do that funny sarcastic thing that helps me get through all the crap.  I have what I like to think is a pretty impressive tolerance for stress and methold of dealing with with it, but there are days when I sit at my desk and write down every problem that I have, and when the dust settles I’ve filled up more than a notebook page.

This generally a good cue to have a good cry.  You know, one of those serious ones where you aren’t even crying about anything because you’re crying about EVERYTHING.  It doesn’t have to be set off by something that makes sense like writing down your problems and facing them head on.  Your glasses might just fall off your face and into your toilet right after peeing.  Suddenly you’re like OHMIGOD there’s PEE on my GLASSES, oh oh AND the evil non-english-speaking local pharmacist that yells and hangs up on me made me sick for a week for messing up my prescriptions, I’m afraid my boyfriend is dead, do I have cancer?, can I take a day off to find out? why in gods name does it sound like a tambourine is stuck in the wheel well of my car, godamnit I gained 4 pounds, etc, etc. and suddenly the world is too much to handle.  All because you got pee on your glasses.

The lesson here is to make sure that your glasses fit properly when you pick them up from the greepy eyeglasses tech that hits on you.  That’s not really a lesson at all.  Just learn to laugh at yourself ok?  Don’t take things so seriously if you can help it, even if they are serious things.

This next few weeks are going to be INTENSE, and LT will be visiting.  Hopefully I don’t come unglued again.  My job and the army are pitted against each other in a battle to the death and I’m losing.

PS: My poor glasses :(

This is so so SO much harder than I expected it to be.  I mean, it’s not like I thought having a long distance relationship with LT was going to be easy, but the hardest things are the ones I never even expected - I didn’t realize I was dating the army too.

Distance is NOTHING when you compare it to total uncertainty.  It’s not the 700 miles to Tennessee or the thousands between here and Iraq that get me, it’s the “I’ll call you tonight” but then he can’t, or the “I’ll be home for Christmas!” so I rejoice, but then he can’t come, oh wait but then he can (but will he really?).  It’s the $500 worth of camping equipment he ordered for our trip in 9 days piled in my living room, it’s delivery yesterday afternoon, and the text message I received from him hours later that said “My dates got changed baby…I’m so sorry.” No camping trip.

It’s the quiet realization that HE cares about me so much it makes him crazy, but THEY don’t.  Accidents, cancer, death even, would they matter?

Prior to yesterday I had been struggling with this distance and whatnot but I was handling it pretty well.  After the camping trip and visit I had been planning and getting all worked up about for so long got ruined I wasn’t handling it very well anymore.  He can still visit, but for half the time.  And I realized - the magnitude of the difference between the “him” and the “they” that I’m dating IS HUGE.

IT SUCKS.  But as much as it sucks, HE IS AWESOME.  He is awesome in a way that verbal explanation can’t do justice.  I freak out - he’s completely understanding.  I cry - he decides he’s flying me to Tennessee for the weekend we were supposed to go camping.  I tell him I can’t wait to see him - he says he can’t wait to give me a foot massage.  I ask tough questions - he admits when he knows the answer, when he doesn’t, and when he can find out.  We’ve looked at engagement rings online too.  I’m not really sure why to be honest. He totally started it!  Just because it’s fun I guess?  I’m not ready to get married and he isn’t either.  But…I LOOKED AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS AND DIDN’T FREAK OUT.  I’m the sort of girl that freaks out.

Then yesterday during my I hate the army freaking out he said “Ok I think I know the answer to this 100%, but would you want a new car or an engagement ring?”  And you know what I DIDN’T KNOW.  It was then that I found out he’s been plotting to buy me a new car in about two years.  Honestly I’ll probably need one by then, but…he’s not looking at some cheap beater car.  I’ve got an acura integra now, and he’s looking at buying me a 2008 acura tsx.  Honestly he can actually afford one which makes my head hurt because I’m supposed to be a baller since I went to college right?  No!  He’s a baller, AND financially responsible.

DID I MENTION THAT I DIDN’T KNOW IF I WANTED THE RING OR THE CAR??? AHHHHHHHH

He was certainly surprised by that.  Honestly, I think he was secretly pleased.  Fortunately there is one thing I know - I don’t want either right now.