Mar
I feel old as shit today.
It’s not my birthday or anything, although that is coming up in a bit. It’s not because I found a whisker the other day either. YES, I had a whisker. It was horrifying. But that’s not why either. I feel old as shit because yesterday I realized I would have a 30 year old sister in less than 3 years.
That’s how this all started anyway. Then I started talking to one of my bffs from high school. She is married now. I KNOW A NUMBER OF INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE MARRIED - believe it or not. In addition her husband (*gasp*) is in the military, and we were discussing the militaryness of things, such as LT deploying next week (sucks) and her man deploying for 6 months at a time (she wins cause LTs deployments are are usually 30 days).
First of all, I painted my nails white with purple, pink, and orange dasies to ward off the creeping feeling of oldness when I realized my sister would soonish be 30 (I’ve found it’s actually helping).
Secondly, why are we talking about our men an not ourselves? Aren’t we supposed to be vapid teenagers who write notes and dish wickedly about the people we know and don’t like? At least that’s what we used to do. What are you supposed to do when adulthood sounds horrifying, and relapsing into the snotty punk of your youth makes you want to kick your own ass at 16?
Blech. And this army thing, what is with that? I mean god love the army and everything, but my college self would totally be assessing my current self and scolding me:
“RAMONA - WE DO NOT DATE THE ARMY! You KNOW this! We can drool on the army, admire it’s collective firm butt from afar, we can even cop a feel if we are feeling so blithe, but we DO NOT DATE THE ARMY. They shoot things, they grunt, they smell like they have been living with a large group of men because they HAVE BEEN living with a large group of men. God, get it together.” as she shakes her stupid head at me like she knows something I don’t.
But I know something she doesn’t. Once you have squeezed an ass that spent a month in a desert on a stair master, you do not deny it. Especially if it’s clad in a uniform because that is HOT.
Now, I feel much younger.