Dating: DON’T DO IT

A weekend at a bar is to dating, what game reserves are to hunting. Here is a summary:

• Friday night I went out very early and did not sleep until very late. This was fun for two reasons:

1. I was having a good hair day
2. I met a boy who looks/dances like Chris Brown.
(naturally we shall dub him Chris Brown)

Chris Brown and I danced few times throughout the night, but it wasn’t until later in the evening when he approached me to dance that I narrowed my eyes and talked to him. My line was “You’re back again, huh?” To this he replied “You’re the only girl here who can even remotely dance!” I decided to take this as a compliment because the man had MOVES. Although, he he did kind of imply that my own moves were lacking. I don’t know how long we danced, but I danced my ass off. I might have looked like an idiot, but girl I do not care because in 4″ heels any dancing is impressive.

I have said the word dance so many times that it has lost all meaning.

After all this dancing I needed sustenance, namely: pizza, so Chris Brown and I, and all my friends left the bar. Upon exiting Chris Brown became amazed that I am “how I am” which I think was a compliment? He took a step back on the sidewalk, looked at me quizzically, and said “Wow, you are nothing like I expected.” I believe this means that I looked like I had the potential to be a snooty crazy bitch, but that night I had locked my crazy bitch in the closet, so I was rather charming instead. The pizza place line was way out of control so we did not partake in pizza time. I also thought it best to stay as far away from vomiting college freshmen as possible, so we decided to walk home.

“Home” as it was on Friday, was my friends home, not mine. It was about a mile away, and I have no idea how I wore the shoes I did, danced, walked a mile, AND still had feet. Upon arriving, the living room was turned into what I like to think of as “Makeout Central” It was a fun time, especially when the fire alarm went off. The situation was really quite cute and reminiscent of high school, only I no longer drive a station wagon.

I must have grown on Chris Brown considerably because before he left, he came back 3 times to kiss me goodbye. He said he would call me at noon the next day. I said “HAH!” and went to sleep. He actually did call, but I don’t really think I’m interested. Isn’t that something? One actually calls and I’m not even interested!

• I was also contacted by Basketball this weekend. He told me that he could not stop thinking about my butt, and I didn’t respond because someone ripped the chapter on awkward text messages out of my Dating Guidebook. He wanted to come over last night too, but I am a working woman, so I had no time for such things. The team had also just arrived home from losing a big game in a bad way and I’ve had quite enough of large angry men since The Entertainer.

Holy cow, I have gotten busy! There’s not a whole lot of time for Manhunt ‘08, but I’ve got it under control.

I currently have 3 men under the radar.

1. The Beefcake is still unsatisfyingly far away at school. He is so cute it’s absolutely ridiculous. I thought it would be a super good idea to send him a text message while I was out having some drinks last week. Fortunately I didn’t say anything too stupid, and he said I should come visit again. Then I had the horrible realization that since he is still in college he’s probably too young. This prompted me to investigate his birthday. It just so happens that he is 24. Thus, old enough, and yet… too old!? I suppose a 24 year old college football player/student could be acceptable because of some redshirting/transferring mumbo jumbo, but DAMN. Get your diploma son.

2. Hot Brother is lurking somewhere in the near future. He hasn’t moved into his office space yet. I’m thinking I have a really good chance that the first day he shows up will coincide with the morning after I decide its ok to go out on a work night. Thus: I will look like hell, and hide behind the copier in the hall.

3. Basketball. Basketball happens to be a nationally recognized college basketball player who took a liking to me over a year ago. We’ve hung out a little but but we mostly talk online or via text message. I avoided him at games much to the dismay of my other basketball fan friends, but I’m not into that attention whore thing. So far this week I’ve gotten “I want to see you.” and “I want you.” messages, take one for the team jokes are flying everywhere, and I haven’t quite decided exactly how to play this one without a) getting ripped in half, b) fouling up the bball season or c)losing my sweet connections.