Dating: DON’T DO IT

I am having a big party on the 24th. I invited the Green Giant in person because his lack of facebook activity means he’d probably never get the invite. I was PAINFULLY awkward about it - so unlike me. I rambled on and on about geese…ugh, geeze. I don’t know if he is coming. The details of recent happenings are mostly speculation and I wish I could flip a switch somewhere in my brain to make it stop ticking because I am, as my friends call me, “sprung”.

That is all I have to share on that topic.

I don’t feel much like writing. This is the part of dating that sucks. No, actually this is just one of the parts of dating that sucks. But what can you do? Hot Brother is sill mildly amusing but…eh. It’s just not the same. The other day when I said I was bored he told me I could “use him” to fill the boring spots in my day. He also said “you can always msg me you homo” which was an interesting tactic - be nice, yet insulting. It made me laugh and that felt pretty good, so I can’t really complain.

Honestly, I’m kind of tired of talking about the Green Giant and Hot Brother. I’ll give you a brief rundown of the last week:

On Tuesday I initiated a conversation with GG. We left work at the same time, he suggested meeting at the stairs, and we walked to our cars together. It was very cute. On Thursday morning we pulled into the parking lot at the same time (!?), so we walked to the building together. His coworker was outside taking the trash out so the lot of us goofed off outside for about 15 minutes. It was fun and he is so cute. I want to punch him. Not because I dislike him, but because he is cute which frustrates me. He is also confusing, hence increased frustration, thus the punchy punchy. Upon arriving to my floor of the building after the chatting with Green Giant, I ran into Hot Brother. He looked quite happy to see me as he wandered into the bathroom to wash and dry an apple (cute). The best description I can give this guy is a golden retriever. He’s got that wholesome, friendly, blonde, tail-wagging sort of personality thing going on. I myself am a cocker spaniel, so I am amused by this. On Friday Hot Brother initiated a conversation with me online (I asked him for his google on Thursday) and was slightly…flirtatious. I plan on ignoring Green Giant for a while to see what he does, while focusing my attention on Hot Brother. I foresee that this will end in disaster.

I think I freaked out Hot Bro on Wednesday. I have to keep in his toes in case I need him - he is “on deck” so to speak. I walked up behind him while he and Coworker were eating lunch at a picnic table outside (I haven’t actually met Coworker yet). I said “hey guys” and kind of startled him, then walked away. I like the ambush hunting method. I also noticed that he brought his lunch in a lunchbox. I don’t know how I feel about that. I actually bought one a while ago, but returned it on account of feeling like a weenie (and needing more space than it provided). Things like lunchboxes are a curious detail of a person, like the type of toothpaste they use. Considering I’ve actually used his bathroom before I’m kind of coming at this situation basackwards if you know what I mean.

Today the Green Giant and I worked out the details of lunch, like when it would take place so that we could all go. He also invited me down to see his lab (!?). For all intents and purposes his lab/workbenchy thing is his office. I spazzed mildly, did a little check, check, doublecheck in the bathroom before I headed down on my way home from work. Talk about a mess - wow. There were 3 guys down there. A big guy, a fast talker, and the Green Giant. There were, what appeared to be the dismembered bodies of about 27 mutilated robots strewn across…everything. So the fast talker explained what it is they do. The Green Giant didn’t say much and I was slightly disappointed :( I did, however, get to see him dressed up as a fireman! Only in pictures, but seriously when you’re cute to begin with and you’re playing the part of a grassroots hero I’m just going to love you that much more.

Um, so…I think I was asked on a date? Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions here. It could be more of a group outing than a date date.

Oh, did I mention that the Green Giant and Hot Brother PICKED THE SAME DAY TO SHOW UP!? What did I tell you? I called it didn’t I? Damn them both and their TFMness. Hot damn.

Green Giant accepted my google chat invite at some point this weekend. I was a weenie until around 3:00 today when I decided that I’d rather make a new friend than having nothing at all happen, so I said hello. You wouldn’t think that it would be earth shattering… Turns out he DID come to visit last week! Unfortunately the only person who was still here was my coworker who is only around once a week. He told the Green Giant that he’d let me know that he had come to see me… And maybe he will let me know, but he won’t be in again until Wednesday or so which is an ETERNITY when you have a crush on someone.

So after I said hello via google, we established that I really do work here, there was some small talk, and then he said “let’s put together a [my company/your company] lunch” After which he proceeded to explain his busy week, suggest Friday, then offer 3 possible places to get food. I didn’t know one of them existed, so that’s the one we picked. During this time I was also in complete awe/fits of laughter because I thought it HAD to be an act of god, or a joke.

This lunch planning might seem like a menial task, but if you review my past experiences you will discover that nobody had EVER in the early stages of anything, had the presence of mind to develop an idea, communicate it, organize it, and make it happen. This. Is. Pathetic. - I’ll give you that, but it does explain my awe/fits of laughter. To top all this off he said he would try to stop by later. Not “k, maybe I’ll see you,” or “later” but “I will try to stop by a little later” and you know what, he did. He came up to visit out his way home from work. We talked for 10 minutes or so, and it was adorable. I did NOT have a panic attack of excitement, not even when he told me his sister recently got married and that he walked her down the aisle (cause their dad is a butt head or something?). I mean seriously, wow. Just wow. As he left he was like “So..Friday?” and I said yep. Yep indeed.

But wait there’s more. Have you forgotten about Hot Brother? My coworker and I spotted him as we were getting on the elevator to head out for errands, and I HID. I had to, I was under a mountain of boxes! I was also thinking “crap, I knew this would happen!” because I had just finished the Friday lunch planning chat when viola, another man appears! So, on the way back from running errands we passed Hot Brother’s office. 5 seconds after we passed by he came out and said “Ramona?” I turned around and smiled. Yes, it is I, and I have been waiting for you.

He looked a bit wide eyed during the whole encounter - like he couldn’t quite believe I was here. Had I not known for the past few months that this was going to happen I would have been beyond wide eyed. He came to take a look at our office space and talked for a bit, but I had pressing work matters to attend to.

What a positively delightful day :)

Last night when I got home from work I opened my igoogle just as I was walking out of my room. I did a double take cause I thought I saw Green Giant’s name in my gmail inbox. I got that excited endorphin/adrenaline/ahh!??!?! *squeal* feeling, and discovered that he had sent me an invitation to be his pal on LinkedIn. Score! I mean if nothing else it means he wasn’t sitting downstairs rolling his eyes and thinking how irritating and embarrassing my note was, right? He has very few other contacts on LinkedIn, so I don’t think is a regular practice of his. Perhaps we are onto something here.

I was kind of nervous walking up the steps in my building this morning. As I rounded the final turn on the steps I thought I saw him standing at the top waiting by the elevator on my floor. I felt sick, but it turned out not to be him. Instead it was some dumb short guy who had failed to remove the size sticker from the back of his pant leg. I only had a few seconds to decide if I should tell him that it was there or not. He was with this really hot girl so I hesitated, but I told him anyway. Then he was like “But…these are old jeans.” Yes, yes they are honey, and judging from the sticker down your backside they are also 32 inch jeans, and gap jeans. He said thank you, but he probably meant I hate you because you just made me look like an idiot in front of this hot girl.

THIS JUST IN: MY COWORKER HAS SPOTTED HOT BROTHER IN THE BUILDING. I repeat, Hot Brother is in da houuuseee.

“It seems you really like guys in the 6foot plus crowd.”

They are called Tall Fine Men.

Of course I immediately leapt up from my chair and took a trip to the water fountain. His office was empty by the time I got down the hall, but perhaps they are only at lunch.

After I accepted the Green Giant’s LinkedIn thing I noticed that his contact email was a gmail account. Being a google addict myself, I of course invited him to chat. My parents cannot fathom how all of this ridiculous online crap means anything. My dad was like wait, wait, you mean you haven’t TALKED TO HIM, in the last week nobody has walked ONE flight of steps to say hello??? And I was like but dad, it’s scary. He told me to tape a cookie to a piece of string and leave it outside the Green Giant’s office. “Then, when he sees the cookie, pull it slowly.” That is so uncool dad, and besides, tape won’t stick to a cookie.

Because I am familiar with my own life and the way fate seems to drag me odd places and laugh at me, either both of these boys will be uninterested, or both will be interested. It’s going to be dramatic, and I will end up crying, BUT - sometimes I’m wrong. God, I hope I’m wrong.