Dating: DON’T DO IT

Holy cow, I have gotten busy! There’s not a whole lot of time for Manhunt ‘08, but I’ve got it under control.

I currently have 3 men under the radar.

1. The Beefcake is still unsatisfyingly far away at school. He is so cute it’s absolutely ridiculous. I thought it would be a super good idea to send him a text message while I was out having some drinks last week. Fortunately I didn’t say anything too stupid, and he said I should come visit again. Then I had the horrible realization that since he is still in college he’s probably too young. This prompted me to investigate his birthday. It just so happens that he is 24. Thus, old enough, and yet… too old!? I suppose a 24 year old college football player/student could be acceptable because of some redshirting/transferring mumbo jumbo, but DAMN. Get your diploma son.

2. Hot Brother is lurking somewhere in the near future. He hasn’t moved into his office space yet. I’m thinking I have a really good chance that the first day he shows up will coincide with the morning after I decide its ok to go out on a work night. Thus: I will look like hell, and hide behind the copier in the hall.

3. Basketball. Basketball happens to be a nationally recognized college basketball player who took a liking to me over a year ago. We’ve hung out a little but but we mostly talk online or via text message. I avoided him at games much to the dismay of my other basketball fan friends, but I’m not into that attention whore thing. So far this week I’ve gotten “I want to see you.” and “I want you.” messages, take one for the team jokes are flying everywhere, and I haven’t quite decided exactly how to play this one without a) getting ripped in half, b) fouling up the bball season or c)losing my sweet connections.

The stupid cold that The Entertainer gave me left me housebound and disgusting for FIVE days, including an entire weekend. You can yell at me and make me pay for dinner, you can even hate me for no apparent reason and make an ass of yourself, but for the love of god, don’t take away my (manhunting) weekends. Cripes.

I texted The Beefcake the Saturday I was sick just to keep him hooked, you know? He was visiting his grandmother in New Jersey. Awwwww! That’s just the kind of crap that will get you. I’d call up my girlfriends and we’d be like “OMG LOL, he visited his GRANDMOTHER! *squeal* ” and we would giggle and swoon. Then six months later I’m complaining about how hes a godamn pansy cause he’s obsessed with his grandmother and spends all his time driving back and fourth from Jersey.

I was finally back in operating order by Wednesday night so I went out with a few friends and invited The Beefcake. He said he had to drive back to school really early the next day for a football meeting so he couldn’t come. Then before I decided what to say in response he told me I should come party with him sometime at school. I’ve been mulling this over in my head because 1. he isn’t coming home again until summer, and 2. he’s hot, so I think I need your help.

Visiting the Beefcake would be:

more at twiigs.com…

Alright, it’s day three of the phone call standoff. Since The Entertainer and I were friends prior to dating I’m wondering how long it will take this crazy angry thing to blow over. A mutual friend assured me we would be buddies by the weekend, but I don’t think he knows how I destroy men. In the absence of The Entertainer’s apology I am left with the beautiful gift of his disgusting cold. I think this must have been strategically planned. It would be next to impossible to seduce Beefcake in my current man-voice/wheezy/snot-filled state. TE doesn’t know Beefcake exists.

I’m not sure what the next step is with The Beefcake. He texted me the evening after I met him and asked what I was up to…according to some ridiculous list of unwritten dating rules that means he is too interested and and I should move on. However, I’m a firm believer that those rules SUCK. Also, the word firm immediately reminds me of his butt, and that is a tail worth chasing. The texting concluded with him suggesting that we hang out when I don’t have to work early. The ball is in my court. Game on!

New Years Eve was faaaabulous.

I went to a party my good friend threw in the city. I took two of my gal pals and planned to meet up with The Entertainer after midnight at one of the local bars. We met some really fun people at the party including an amusing group of guys. We played some card games and acted a fool. I discovered that I somehow made it through college without learning the masterful art of drinking card games. Fortunately, I’m an advocate of life long learning.

Just before midnight a few folks walked downtown to see the fireworks, but we stayed at the house so I could NOT freeze off my patootie, and eat my weight in meatballs. I love a good hours dourve. After the firework folks returned we decided it was time to depart for the bars. The Entertainer did not answer his phone for a good hour and did not call me, so I just went along my merry way without him. This later turned out to be an outstanding decision.

We went to two different bars and boogied but it was mostly a blur until, there he was! Across a crowded dance floor I spotted: nooo not The Entertainer, The Beefcake bouncer! I don’t know if it was the tequila or the New Years resolution to be fierce, but I decided that I HAD to talk to this man. I switched into hunting mode, and began my attack. First I asked another bouncer if they were allowed to talk to girls while on the job. I was not alone in this interrogation (wing women are essential), and soon our new bouncer friend told me “Oh this guy likes you, blah blah blah” but instead of pointing to The Beefcake, he pointed to some doof wearing plaid. PLAID!? On New Years Eve!? gah

Fear not faithful followers, I prevailed! I don’t know how exactly I pulled it off, but The Beefcake and I talked, exchanged numbers, and parted ways. Then he found me again downstairs and was like “Hey, you’re still here!” WOOHOO! More talking. Turns out he is a college football player, so hot, and so totally on The List.

The List of Stereotypicial Man-Types to Date:
- Cop
- Football player (premature cross-out?)
- Man with motorcycle
- Older man

AHHAHAHA I WIN

I love 2008.

PS: At 5am as I was arriving to my abode for the evening, The Entertainer called, apologized profusely for not meeting up, and insisted that he take me to dinner the next night to make up for it!